Do I Ever Cross Your Mind

Do I ever cross your mind?

I think of you when
The sun shines of course
But also when old acquaintances ask
With a glimmer in their eyes
Am I single?
And I laugh and say,
Yes, but not on purpose.
I don’t hide the pain well
So they leave it at that.
I think of you when I drive around town.
Places we went together.
Places we should go together.
Spaces we shared.
Songs on the radio,
And how you used to always sing
With your voice and hands
And your laughter when you got the lyrics wrong.
Or was that me?
Dancing together, way back when.
The CD I played when I massaged
Your back by candlelight.
The one I sang

(“I’m not trying to be, just any kind of man,
I’m just trying to be somebody
You can love trust and understand.
I know, I know, I know, that I can be
A part of you that no one else can see,
But I’ve got to hear you say,
I’ve got to hear you say
its alright...”)

You called me a seducer,
But I was just showing my love.
I think of you when I don’t eat meat.
And when I exercise,
How you used to tease my little paunch,
And how I worked out all summer
While you were away, and it stayed.
And speaking of summers, I remember the one
When I tried to be there for you
Even though my feelings were hurt
By your condition.
Spending late nights nude
Sweating, hardly penetrating
But conversating.
I think of you at libraries
The night when I first knew
That you had a feeling for me.
And our first kiss, the surprise
At how erotic such a kiss could be.
And on clear nights,
With star filled skies,
We were there sitting in the field
Chilled by the night air
Warmed by each other
Pondering the possibilities
Beyond that moment.
And rainy days, when I sat
Lazy-Boyed and sunroomed
Jim Bean and ice
Gentle sounds of Coltrane, Miles, or Maxwell
Getz, Monk, Sade, or Mingus.
Trying to soothe away the pain
Of even having to ask
Do I ever cross your mind?